By Paul M. Banks is Founder/President of The Sports Bank.net,

Say what you want about the 2010 Chicago White Sox, but at least they hold true to form. Everyone talks about how up-and-down they are, how they (warning: a cliché as painful as Jim Belushi coming) “are consistently inconsistent.” But it’s not entirely true. About 20% of the way through the season, they give you exactly what you expect. The Sox look terrible against average and winning teams, but they can handle the bad teams. With one exception:

I’ve organized and broken down the record of the 14-19 White Sox by opponent. It’s listed in order of best winning percentage to worst, with the team’s record in parentheses, followed by the Sox record against each opponent. (As of Tuesday, May 11^th)

Tampa Bay Rays (22-10) 1-2

New York Yankees (21-10) 1-2

Minnesota Twins (21-12) 1-2

Toronto Blue Jays (19-15) 3-5

Texas Rangers (18-14) 1-2

Seattle Mariners (13-19) 3-0

Cleveland Indians (11-18) 1-5

Kansas City Royals (12-21) 2-1

You’ll notice the only exception is the inexplicable and unjustifiable 1-5 against the bottom-feeding Indians. But don’t take my word for how bad the Indians are, watch this video from one of their own announcers. Against losing teams the Sox are 6-6, or 5-1 without the Cleveland anomaly. Versus winning teams they’re 6-11.

There are many reasons for this, but we can save those for future articles. For now, let’s focus on the deep literal hole in the two-hole of the lineup. We all expected Gordon Beckham, one of last year’s top rookies to be “coming out swinging like Tiger Woods’ wife” (Apologies to Ludacris) this season. Well, he’s been swinging; and missing. He’s been more disappointing than both Austin Powers sequels combined.

Manager Ozzie Guillen said he is not a fan of Beckham’s body language after Thursday’s loss. “When you see him put his hands on his hips, it’s not baseball- shaking his head every time he makes out.”

Beckham, who hit .270 with 14 HRs last year, went 0-for-4 with three Ks last night. He added two errors in the field. His batting average is dropping like the readership of that crappy Milwaukee Brewers blog that stupidly picked a fight with us last summer. “Bacon” is now at a pathetic .193 and says his problems are more upstairs than they are in his swing. He added “a lot of this is self-inflicted.”

Maybe he was brought up too soon last year? Maybe he needs to go back to Charlotte to figure it out? He’s striking out a whopping one out of EVERY four at bats!

Most Sox fans are expecting his career to develop like Aimee Teegarden in “Friday Night Lights,” becoming more pleasant to watch and with an increased role every year. Instead his career is going down hill like the lives of every child star from “Different Strokes.”

Whatever the issue is, Bacon needs to quickly become crisper, and produce more meat for this batting order. Right now his presence is somewhat Artie Lange-like, a layer of useless flab weighing down a rather punchless lineup.

Paul M. Banks is Founder/President of The Sports Bank.net, an Upper Midwest sports webzine. He’s also a member of the Football Writers Association of America, the United States Basketball Writers Association and a sports writer for the Washington Times.com Communities and Walter Football.com

Lane Kiffin has taken the SEC by storm since taking over as head coach of Tennessee.  Not on the field exactly, losing to Florida and starting 1-2, but off the field Kiffin is firing shots at all takers.  He accused Urban Meyer of violating NCAA rules in front of a bunch of people, violating rules himself; he told a recruit to fax his papers on signing day from somewhere other than his high school, implying that the high school was so inept they would screw it up (he’s not allowed back); and he told a recruit considering South Carolina that he would end up pumping gas if he chose the Gamecocks. 

The hits keep coming nearly every time the guy gets in front of a microphone, he’s like an organized Kanye West, with a worse head coaching record.  Well, your worst fears have come true Chicago fans, Kiffin is coming for you and you don’t have a chance at bedding his hot wife. 

Kiffin on Bears quarterback Jay Cutler: “Cutler?  Yeah, I tried to get him to sign with the Vols when he left Denver, but apparently the SEC frowns upon that kind of thing. What a mistake that would have been, guy’s a real piece of work.  Did you know that prick got some kind of disease because he went to Vanderbilt?”  When asked about Cutler’s success so early in his career Kiffin responded “I had twice as good of an NFL career.”  Kiffin never played in the NFL.

On the Chicago White Sox: “Their manager–you know, that black guy–is awful.  Their GM sucks too.  I didn’t want to go public with this, but there were some major recruiting violations when they got that Peavy guy.” 

Blackhawks:  “Come on, hockey?  So gay.  I know I’ll have to apologize for that later, but seriously.”

Chicago Cubs: “Embarrassing team.  I thought Al Davis and the Raiders had it bad.  I’d love to bring my Vols to Wrigley and sing Rocky Top all night long after we beat them.  Yeah, in baseball.  Ryan Theriot told me once I looked a lot like Seth Rogen, but not so much after he lost weight, and I’m going to kick his ass for that.  Kiffin, out!”

I was less eager to write the obituary for the 2009 White Sox than Stormin Norman was when he gleefully leapt off the Cubs bandwagon earlier this month.  There was nothing cathartic for me in coming to grips with the Sox demise. Stormin Norman’s at least freed his mind from caring for a team that never gave him any reason to care for them all season long. I wish my team was like the really hot girlfriend whom I spent way too much money on, only to realize she wasn’t worth all of the crazy temper tantrums taken out on Gatorade machines, accusing me of being racist, and standing me up on dates in Denver because she pulled some back muscles during batting practice, I mean washing her hair. That way when I realized it was time to dump her ass, I could at least feel great leaving her a strongly worded voicemail that our relationship was over and that “No, she could not get me to buy her another corner outfielder before I left.” But no, that feeling is saved only for the Northsiders this year.

I really can’t be mad at the Sox for their performance this year, and I won’t spend six long months wishing they were dead.  I guess it’s partially due to the fact that less was expected of the Sox from the beginning of the year. Can you imagine that some prognosticator’s predicted the Sox to at best finish 3rd in their division?!?!  And while never truly deserving of a full-on “underdog” tag, the Sox were saddled with lower expectations due to age (both young and old), injury concerns and lack of established fourth or fifth starters. This helped my psyche throughout the year when even an above-average performance led to the brief delusion that maybe there was something more to this team. Maybe the Good Guys do Wear Black, maybe the Grinder Rules do still apply, or maybe These Kids Can Really Play.  They always seemed to just be one hot week or two away from really putting it all together.  Alas, even in the face of the Tigers’ self-destructing September, the Sox couldn’t muster the streak necessary to save their season or their teammates (see Jim Thome and Jose Contreras).

The oddsmakers in Vegas had the Sox hovering around 79 or 80 wins when they broke spring training. Right now, after that craptastic showing against the Twins last night, the Sox are sitting at 73-78.  Even if the Sox can’t muster an 8-3 finish, which is likely, there are some good things to be taken away from this season.

a) We got Jake Peavy. I heard a little rumor that he unanimously won some award in the NL a couple years back for being like the best pitcher or something noteworthy like that. Either way, the Sox may have paid a little too much for his services or lack thereof this season, but even if he had been healthy for 6 or 7 more starts, I don’t know if it would’ve made a difference. Better to ensure his long term health rather than trotting him out there with a bum leg.

b) Gordon Beckham struggled at the plate late in the season but still held up well against the grind of his first professional season. He also showed signs of improvement defensively at the hot corner.  I think he might have found the position for him permanently since his reflexes have improved markedly, but he still lacks the range to be a great major league shortstop. All in all, Gordon has 91 hits in 93 games, showed some power with 12 home runs and 45 RBI’s and most importantly proved that he can hang with the big boys.  Hmmm, who would I rather have at 3B: a young, healthy Gordon Beckham who started hitting from the start, or Joe Crede who shut it down again this season to have his 3rd major back surgery?  That’s a real tough one.

c) This season was probably the best thing that could have happened to Chris Getz. The guy outplayed Lillibridge and Nix from the start of the season, avoided all the glare and criticism that comes with being a rookie with Beckham getting much of the buzz, and quietly put up some solid numbers. A .269 average, 98 hits, 25 SB, and a .986 fielding percentage.

d) Along with these two rookies proving their worth, the Sox organization has allowed some of their remaining youngsters to move quickly through the farm system and get a taste of the big leagues. While I think we should stick with AJ Pierzynski for as long as possible (2nd best offensive catcher in the AL behind Mauer, which is saying something), it’s good to see Tyler Flowers getting some at-bats this late in the season. His swing looks awfully long, but I have to keep reminding myself he put up monster numbers in AA, and even wunderkind Matt Wieters but up some atrocious numbers in his first 25 or 30 at-bats in the majors.  Tyler has had only 7 or 8 at-bats sporadically at the end of games to work out the kinks, and should begin to put things together or at least identify what he needs to work on during the offseason. Daniel Hudson is another youngster who has barreled through the minor leagues, which isn’t exactly a cakewalk considering the overall records of the Sox farm teams this year. He’ll need to develop another pitch to be a solid starter but the Sox seem to have some kind of blueprint for the future.  (Don’t ask me if Rios is in those blueprints, I have no idea what his ceiling or floor is).

While I hate to compare them to the Cubs, it’s a fact of life that we have two pro teams in this fair city and it’s tough not to think of the other team. The Sox had their share of disappointments from their corner out-fielders this year (I’m looking at you Mr. Quentin and Mr. Dye of the .189 August and .135 September). If I were a Cubs fan I would be writing to the Ricketts family and Jim Hendry to demand that Sam Fuld and Jake Fox get a fair chance to fight for one of those corner spots next spring, rather than simply buying the next “can’t miss free agent” to fill the void.   The Sox appear to have weathered a transitional year of managing to play competitive baseball with some extremely exciting moments (Exhibit A: Buehrle’s perfect game) while introducing a solid group of youngsters who should have long careers with the organization. And while this might not be the year for any team from the AL Central to make much noise in the post-season, the Sox are in better shape next year. I can’t help but think that one of these years the Cubs wouldn’t benefit from taking the same approach.

Instead, the Cubs once again went for the all-or-nothing strategy, and wound up predictably with a whole lotta nothing. Each time I saw one of the youngsters trotted out there, there was no satisfaction that the kid could be getting his big break. Instead, I hoped he enjoyed his momentary spot in the sunshine before the veteran returned to the lineup or the Cubs signed the next batch of off-season free agents to try and win it “next year”.

Either way, I’m not upset with the Sox this year. They made some pretty bold moves, shook some things up, weren’t complacent, and genuinely kept me interested even when they were trotting out Carlos Torres to start games. The future looks bright, if not spectacular and I can’t wait to see what Kenny has up his sleeve during the offseason.

• Jay Cutler cleans up pretty nice.  It appears he “got his hair did” for a magazine cover. [Jay Cutler Superstar]
• Michael Jordan’s perfection explained. [Hardwood Paroxysm]
• The best fantasy football team names by city.  Yeah, mine is in there for Chicago.  “Offense is not our Forte”.  Bam. [Detroit4lyfe]
• Ted Lilly was nominated by his teammates for the Roberto Clemente award.  This guy is a great baseball player and a great human being.  His contract looked a bit bloated when they signed him but it has worked out perfectly. [Bleacher Nation]
• The 40 most undeserving players to get MLB Starting Lineup action figures.  This is a hilarious must-read. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• There’s that White Sox white flag everyone was waiting for.  It was a good move to get rid of Thome and his contract, but I really liked that guy.  Contreras sucks. [I94 Sports]
• 8 guys you may have forgotten were in the NBA. Some will make you laugh, others you know. [Give Me The Rock]
• Did you see that Brett Favre chop block on Eugene Wilson?  Shady.  More importantly, what was Brad Childress thinking?  That guy is an idiot. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Raiders fans have it rough, and losing their star cornerback won’t help.  Unless he plays.  But he won’t, or maybe he will. [Just Blog Baby]
• More evidence about why you should lay off Milton Bradley.  Statistically speaking, of course. [Wrigleyville23]
• Luol Deng was listed in Dime Magazine as an NBA player that must take that next step this upcoming season.  Wasn’t everyone saying/thinking that the last 3 summers? [Pippen Ain't Easy]
• Remember that cut Orton got on his finger in Sunday’s game?  It’s a bit worse than we thought. [Blog Down, Chicago Bears]

Mark Buehrle tossed a perfect game today against the Tampa Bay Rays, making it the first gem since Randy Johnson’s in 2003 and the 17th ever…or 18th, I don’t know.  Anyway, quite the accomplishment from the lefty after throwing a no-no a couple of years back that was damn close to a perfect game as well if I remember correctly. 

Buehrle didn’t need a whole lot of help behind him until the 9th when DeWayne Wise came through in a huge way.  After he was subbed in to start the ninth, Wise tracked a Gabe Kapler bomb to the fence in left-center, brought back what was a sure home run, bobbled it and secured the catch.  From there, Buehrle got a strikeout and groundout to end the game. 

You know, if Ozzie wasn’t such a racist then Brian Anderson is out there in center and Buehrle is just another guy with a massive truck and a no hitter on his resume.  Something to ponder. 

Seriously though, congratulations to Mark Buehrle.  Hey, with the way the Tigers are hitting, we might see another perfect game or two this weekend.

• Jake Peavy says no to the White Sox.  How embarassing. [Smells Like Mascot]
• As embarassing as a 20-0 loss?  I don’t know for sure, but the Sox had a BAD day yesterday. [Deadspin]
• The Bulls have a new GM, sort of, even though Pax is still kind of running things.  Either way, the new guy wants to keep Ben Gordon. [By The Horns] + [Sun-Times]
• Lou is getting angry and D-Lee and Soto may be the first to feel his wrath.  Get ready for the benchings. [Wrigleyville23]
• Get ready for video gambling Chicagoans, because the state senate just passed a bill legalizing it.  WOO!! [Chicago Breaking News]
• Ok Ethan, don’t get too excited, but Mark DeRosa is apparently on the trading block. [Shysterball]
• So now the City is trying to tax Bears season-ticket holders under some amusement tax.  I’m not “amused”. [BlogDown]
• Robert Horry lost his 7 championship rings.  [BDL]
• Well, at least Horry didn’t sell his rings…yet. [Chicago Breaking News]
• The Fridge is out of the hospital.  Whew. [WCG]
• The Bulls are bringing in some potential draftees to work out.  Not exactly the cream of the crop, but they are prospects I guess. [Blogabull]

• Shaq flirts with a box of donuts.  Don’t break the diet! [BDL]
• The Hawks choked last night, but since they got the split in Vancouver they can hold serve by winning Game 4, so no worries. [Sun-Times]
• Would you like to name the Cubs Class A Chiefs ballpark for a day?  It won’t cost you much. [Pantagraph]
• Remember when Antoine Walker got robbed in Chicago?  Well the guy that did it just got 21 years in prison. [NBC]
• What the hell kind of lineup did the Cubs trot out there last night?  It resulted in a loss, that’s for sure. [Bleacher Nation]
• Favre has got to be kidding.  Now he’s meeting with the Vikings?  Just retire for good.  You’re sullying your legacy, if you haven’t already. [Deadspin]
• Orton with a cleanshaven face in a Broncos jersey?  Weird. [Blogdown]
• White Sox blew a lead to the Royals last night and lost in extras.  It feels like everyone in that division has the same record.  [Sun-Times]

Whether you’re a North Sider or a South Sider, this day has been a long time coming.  Every winter seems so long, waiting for the new season to start.  Not that I don’t love football and the NBA, but there’s something magical about baseball season.

It’s a new year for everyone.  From the Cubs down to the lowly Mariners every team is undefeated right now.  I can’t wait to smell the green grass of Wrigley and hear the first crack of a wooden bat smashing a ball over the bleachers.

And to the White Sox fans that have their opener pushed back: Don’t worry, you just have one more day to wait.

BASEBALL!!!!

• Who is Dempster giving an hj to?  Who cares, this GIF is hilarious. [Luol's Dong]
• The Bulls split their 2 games this week, and it was not pretty. [Pippen Ain't Easy]
• That “billionaire” who wanted a piece of D-Wade was really just some viral marketing campaign from Converse.  Still funny though. [NESW]
• Reed Johnson’s blog is up and running and it’s pretty funny so far.  He’s in love with the Cubbies pitching prospect Patton.  Also he rips on Fontenot for shopping at Gap Kids. [Reed Between The Lines]
• White Sox opener is postponed due to snow.  Snow?  It’s April! [Sun-Times]
• The “Give a Shit” timeline starring Jay Cutler trade rumors.  Hilarious for most, but with special meaning for us Bears fan. [Sports Hernia]
• Gaudin is released and the Shark is sent back to Iowa.  And the Cubs roster is set. [Wrigleyville23]
• Bronco’s Owner: “It is important that you know that at all times we represented ourselves to Jay with honesty and integrity.” Right. [ESPN]
• Michigan State vs North Carolina in the championship game?  That can’t be right, because all the east coast media talked about all year was how great the Big East was…and don’t forget those 3 number 1 seeds. [Deadspin]

• Blackhawks dominated the Blues last night and won 3-1.  Thank God that the “evil Hawks” didn’t show up.  [Yahoo]
• Trib article says Del Negro has “made the most” of his assistants.  So you’re saying it’s all his fault? [Tribune]
• Don Cooper talks White Sox fans down off the ledge.  First, I didn’t realize they were to the edge; second, let me try: Your team looked like it sucked last year and you still made the playoffs.  [Sun-Times]
• ESPN is reporting that ex-Bulls genius Tim Floyd will be taking over at Arizona.  It’s been a great week for shady college coaches.  [ESPN]
• Only Joe Pa can be funny when talking about “Jews” and “Blacks” on the air.  He’s like a caricature of his old self by now.  [Awful Announcing]
• The United States beat Trinidad & Tobago 3-0 last night in World Cup Qualifying.  19-year-old Jozy Altidore had the hat trick for the US.  [ESPN]
• Sporcle has a new NBA Jam quiz up and it is a bit difficult.  Go here for a quick hint, then follow the link.  I got about 40, somehow.  [Pippen Ain't Easy]
• How to keep that special person in your life happy when the NBA Playoffs roll around.  Seems funny after our April Fools ruse and reveal yesterday.  [Hardwood Paroxysm]

Don’t ever say we don’t listen to our readers’ input.  Due to the bitching and whining of NQTC’s Sox fans, I went out and found someone to write about the South Siders.  So here is General Zod, who will be writing once a week about whatever Sox story suits his fancy.  StevieY and I will be redirecting our Sox insults from the readers to him.  Enjoy!

Next to governor, there is only one form of employment with less job security in Illinois, playing center field for the Chicago White Sox. Since the departure of Aaron Rowand, the list of characters consumed by this black hole includes the likes of Brian Anderson, Nick Swisher, and Darin Erstad.  Let us also not forget the pride of Oak Lawn, Rob “mamma had a baby and its head popped off” Mackowiak.  Despite having an OPS 40 points lower than Pablo Ozuna in the 2006 season, Guillen and Williams thought enough of his Edward Scissorhands approach to center fielding they gave him 51 starts in a 2006 season that saw the White Sox finish last in a very close three team race.

So now here it is 2009 and as White Sox fans, we are back to where we started from.  As Moe, Larry and Curly battle it out for least-worst option in spring training, even Ozzie Guillen can’t stifle a yawn.  In Joe Cowley’s Sun Times column Tuesday, Guillen said:

“It’s been real disappointing so far.  Because I think we have the talent in center field. We are all sitting in the meetings, asking the same questions: When is someone going to step it up and make it easy for us? Make iteasy for the organization, make it easy for Kenny, make it easy forthe ballclub.”

The truth is Ozzie has answered his own question.  The White Sox center fielder IS on this team, and it is NOT Dewayne Wise, Brian Anderson, or Jerry Owens.  It’s Alexei Ramirez, the opening day center fielder from a division winning 2008 brand of White Sox baseball. Ramirez is an athlete, more than capable of playing the position AND hitting the heck out of the baseball from any position in the line-up. This would untie Kenny Williams hands in a centerfield trade market that is limited to underperforming has-been superstars and bloated contracts from the likes of Juan Pierre and Gary Matthews Jr. and allow him to seek relief in the form of the shortstop position via trade.

This year’s crop of middle infielders was so bountiful even the two Orlando’s (Hudson and Cabrera) found themselves signing for about $4 million a piece with just one year guaranteed, and there are still other deals out there.  For a GM with a history of rewards from taking risk on injured or underperforming players such as Thome, Thornton and Loiza, Williams should take a chance of former AL Rookie of the Year Bobby Crosby who has been supplanted by the aforementioned Orlando Cabrera.  He has been hampered by injuries that have limited him to a .239 career batting average in just under 600 at-bats, but as he enters his contract season needing to reestablish his value and having recovered form last years broken hand, he can still play above average defense at the shortstop position and can likely be had at a major discount from the cash-strapped Oakland A’s.

If you don’t like Crosby because he hasn’t done anything impressive besides breaking bones for the last three years, then revisit the whole “Michael Young to the White Sox” scenario that has been discussed for years.  If salary or Young’s increasingly porous defense becomes an obstacle in completing the deal, the White Sox could look to repeat last season’s trade with the Angels who still have some capable shortstops they could look to deal in the Aybar/Izturis combination by trading from a source of strength (much like last years trade of John Garland).

What’s the point of all this?  If I never hear the names Dewayne Wise, Brian Anderson or Jerry Owens again it will be too soon.  They’ve all been given plenty of opportunities to be regular contributors at the big league level and have failed each time.  The White Sox seem obsessed with solving this nightmare with in-house solutions, and Alexei Ramirez is the only organic life form that they can possibly sell to their fan base as a legitimate full-time solution to a starting center fielder.