Dear Mr. Dork, Here is your ball.  Can you please tell me what gas station you work at, so when you are pumping my gas, I can yell at you!  Now sit down, shut-up and enjoy the game!  Your favorite centerfielder.

And of course, what kind of a story about baseball players being jokers could this be without an appearance by Ryan Dempster:

“I’ll give you the ball if you take your top off.”

There is a great story behind that autograph that you can read here.  Being a professional baseball player must be awesome.