h/t: TPS

h/t: The World of Isaac, Midwest Sports Fans

***UPDATE: Strangely enough, a Tigers fan defends Mauer.

Sometime Wednesday night, Jake hears about the deal from his agent and gets off the phone with Scott Linebrink.

Who the hell is Scott Linebrink?  I know my agent said I played with that guy, but wow he must suck.  He had good things to say about Chicago though.  Great city, great people.  But why the hell would I leave sunny San Diego?  Right, my team is awful and this is my chance to get out!  Besides, the South Side can’t be that bad as long as I get a ride to the park in a tank…or Buehrle’s truck. Better sleep on it.

Peavy falls asleep, dreams about life as a White Sox pitcher.

Not a bad game today, sure we lost 4-3, but Thornton gave up those runs after I was yanked in the seventh.  Plus, you’d think we could muster more offense than three solo homers.  Oh my God, is that Ozzie?  He’s got blood all over his face and he’s swinging a chain over his head!  Why is he yelling at me in Spanish?!! The only words I understand are pitch count, Freddy Garcia, Jon Garland and 2005.  Oh shit he’s going to kill me.

Peavy wakes up.

Wow, that Ozzie Guillen is one scary sumbitch.  Whatever, I’ll check out the game today and see if I can make a decision.  I really want to get out of San Diego.

1st Inning

Alright, here we go let’s see what they’ve got.  Oh, Bartolo Colon is starting.  He’s not too bad but man, he hasn’t skipped a meal since, well ever.  1-0 after one isn’t too bad.  These are usually low scoring affairs when the Twins and Sox play and I’m used to that.

2nd Inning

Oh wow, seven runs in the second?  All unearned?  I guess I can add poor defense to the Cons side of the ledger, right under “that one time fans attacked a first base coach.”

4th Inning

I fell asleep there for a while, it’s kind of early out here.  Hmm, 10-0.  Was that another error by Betemit?  Who’s that guy they used to have at third base?  Oh yeah, there he is.  Man this isn’t looking too good, come to think of it the weather out here is so nice, and I really like the golf courses.

6th Inning

Look at all those singles and walks!  There’s Mauer with a grand slam.  I’m going to need more paper for the Cons side of this thing, seems like a lot of home runs flying out of this park.

8th Inning

20 to nothing?!!  Forget pitching for these guys, I can’t wait to hit against them.  Too bad they got rid of Nick Swisher, he could have stopped the bleeding a few innings ago.  Come to think of it, Nick left sunny California a couple years ago for Chicago.  Wonder how that worked out for him.

Gets a call from his agent Thursday afternoon.

Well, better give it to him straight.  “Tell them sorry, I’m scared of the AL.”

Having seen Joe Crede start at the hot corner for the Twins in Grapefruit League action this spring, the decision was a simple one for me: scream drunken praises during every pitch and every ground ball that came his way. In my haze I knew that Crede deserved the praise that I was heaping on his injured back. Had he been traded in 2005 for Eric Chavez, I am very certain I would not own the 15 different 2005 World Series t-shirts that I do right now. His play at the end of the 2005 regular season campaign and beyond was nothing short of superb, and all the more important for a franchise that had seen 88 years go by without a championship.

But that was spring training against the Reds, and today is another day. This day means a game in the regular season win column in a division that looks like it will be close from pillar to post. The man White Sox fans had thought of as friend is no more, a victim of a wealth generating free-agent system that treats players like human beings instead of the indentured servants that our fathers knew and loved.

I think of other famous turncoats and the results of their defections. Anakin Skywalker turns on his friends and becomes the evil Lord Darth Vader. His punishment: execution at the hands of his son, Luke, as he confesses his regret with his last breath. Or who among us could forget former WWF American hero Sgt. Slaughter’s decision to become an Iraq sympathizer during Operation Desert Storm? His punishment: losing the WWF championship at Wrestlemania VII to wrestling icon Hulk Hogan, and spending years mired in awkward tag-team encounters next to the most annoying wrestler of all time, Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Somehow, the punishment these famous traitors endured just does not seem appropriate. I could never condone Joe Crede’s beheading with a lightsaber at the hands of Josh Fields as a sort of “passing the torch” vessel of revenge. Perhaps more appropriate would be for AJ Pierzynski to challenge Crede to a “Loser Must Retire” match; after all, he has the professional wrestling experience with TNA. Still, the thought of Corky Miller filling in for AJ should he lose such a contest is more unsettling than a 30/100 season for Crede in a Twins uniform.

The truth is the appropriate thing to do for Joe Crede’s first return is to love him, to rain cheers upon him for every diving stab and every time his name is called over the U.S. Cellular Field public address system. Then, after you get that out of your system, I say go hog wild and “boo” the hell out of this guy. There are 27 other teams he could have played for (excluding the Cubs and Twins), so go play for one of them and keep your White Sox legacy intact. Show this SOB just how bitter White Sox fans can be, just how much of a grudge we can hold because yes, this is our baseball identity. We don’t have fun at the ol’ ball yard unless EVERYONE’S feelings get hurt, and Joe Crede’s feelings should be no different.

Still, this unattractive, horrific display of hostility should take place only after we recognize during his first series back just how special he will always be to Chicago. With that in mind, stay classy Sox fans, but only until the Twins come back to town May 19th.