Seemingly held up for weeks by bureaucratic paperwork, USC Head Coach Lane Kiffin was successful in officially relocating the douchebaggery capitol of the United States to Los Angeles on Thursday.  While the capitol had previously taken residence in the relatively modest enclave of Knoxville, Tennesse, the nation’s capitol will now be under the bright lights of Hollywood. Kiffin and his lead recruiting assistant, Ed Orgeron, diligently worked the phones over the last month or so trying to negotiate a cross-country move for the title that less than a year ago seemed to have found a permanent home in Rocky Top Country.

The final straw that convinced the country to allow the title to relocate to Southern California was the news that on Thursday Kiffin reeled in yet another football recruit.

No, this recruit will not be included in USC’s Recruiting Class of 2010, but rather the Recruiting Class of 2015. That’s right, Lane Kiffin offered a scholarship to David Sills, a 13-year-old quarterback from Delaware, and the young lad accepted.  Now, it’s ridiculous that the offer was even extended, as it is in no way binding on the kid, but it’s just weird in general. The LA Times article on the offer, allows 13-year-olds to read the comments on their website, but not to post any comments of their own.  If a kid can’t comment on a newspaper website, should they really be able to accept scholarship offers to college?  This is like saying the kid to the right just aced his times tables and the Booth School of Business has a spot in their Executive MBA program waiting for him in 2031.

While this alone should make you shake your head as to what has become of college sports recruiting, the following quote from the young quarterback should maybe alert authorities or the NCAA to grill Lane Kiffin on the recruiting techniques he used on this 13-year-old.

“I’m very excited, but I was very, very nervous. It was very cool, but my heart was beating so fast and I was scared. But after it was over, I was so excited and pumped.”

Either Sills was allowed to stay up all night and eat whatever he wanted, saw his first R-rated movie without his parents, did his first beer bong on his campus visit, got to second base with a USC Song Girl (hands on the outside of her sweater), or maybe it’s just the puberty talking. I smell an NCAA investigation in eight to nine years from now.