Dwight: Stan, I just wanna hug 'em and squeeze 'em and I'm gonna call him Derrick!

When Derrick Rose suffered his second injury this season at the hands of Dwight Howard in last night’s 111-82 loss to the Orlando Magic it became painfully obvious (emphasis on ‘pain’) that the Bulls’ playoff hopes are slipping away fast.  If the Bulls were to somehow make it into the playoffs and wind up playing the Magic again in the first round, I think it would be prudent for Gar/Pax/Angelo to see if Julius Peppers would not at least entertain the idea of donning a Bulls jersey and acting as an on-court bodyguard for Derrick Rose when he enters the paint against the gentle giant who doesn’t know his own strength, likes to wear cartoon superhero outfits, and is always grinning like he just learned how to tie his velcro basketball shoes.

I’m getting kind of sick of the Bulls shying away from criticizing Howard. Vinny was quoted basically saying it was Derrick’s fault: “”It looked like Dwight went up and Derrick lost his balance again.” Next time Joakim Noah shows up to practice with a black eye are we going to hear Vinny say “looks like Jo was doing some laundry and just fell down some stairs again”?

And where does Dwight Howard get off telling Derrick Rose how to drive in the lane to avoid injury?! Next time, why don’t you avoid fouling Derrick and just block the damn ball Dwight?! Quit pretending this is an episode of SlamBall on SpikeTV. Full body contact may be allowable when you’re playing on trampolines but it’s not acceptable in the NBA. Just because your shoulders are 6 feet wide doesn’t mean you should have fouls called any differently.

After I let the anger subside, I started to wonder how we can turn this travesty into a positive for both the Bulls and the NBA. As a part of the NBA’s ongoing “Read to Achieve Program”, the NBA could use NBA players to help teach literary classics to grade school students.  Enjoy the preliminary storyboards for the NBA’s newest production of, “Of Mice and (Super)Men”.

Dwight: Stan, why doesn't Derrick like it when I pet him when he's in the paint?

Stan: No, Dwight. I ain't mad. I never been mad, an' I ain't now. That's a thing I want ya to know.