Dwight: Stan, I just wanna hug 'em and squeeze 'em and I'm gonna call him Derrick!

When Derrick Rose suffered his second injury this season at the hands of Dwight Howard in last night’s 111-82 loss to the Orlando Magic it became painfully obvious (emphasis on ‘pain’) that the Bulls’ playoff hopes are slipping away fast.  If the Bulls were to somehow make it into the playoffs and wind up playing the Magic again in the first round, I think it would be prudent for Gar/Pax/Angelo to see if Julius Peppers would not at least entertain the idea of donning a Bulls jersey and acting as an on-court bodyguard for Derrick Rose when he enters the paint against the gentle giant who doesn’t know his own strength, likes to wear cartoon superhero outfits, and is always grinning like he just learned how to tie his velcro basketball shoes.

I’m getting kind of sick of the Bulls shying away from criticizing Howard. Vinny was quoted basically saying it was Derrick’s fault: “”It looked like Dwight went up and Derrick lost his balance again.” Next time Joakim Noah shows up to practice with a black eye are we going to hear Vinny say “looks like Jo was doing some laundry and just fell down some stairs again”?

And where does Dwight Howard get off telling Derrick Rose how to drive in the lane to avoid injury?! Next time, why don’t you avoid fouling Derrick and just block the damn ball Dwight?! Quit pretending this is an episode of SlamBall on SpikeTV. Full body contact may be allowable when you’re playing on trampolines but it’s not acceptable in the NBA. Just because your shoulders are 6 feet wide doesn’t mean you should have fouls called any differently.

After I let the anger subside, I started to wonder how we can turn this travesty into a positive for both the Bulls and the NBA. As a part of the NBA’s ongoing “Read to Achieve Program”, the NBA could use NBA players to help teach literary classics to grade school students.  Enjoy the preliminary storyboards for the NBA’s newest production of, “Of Mice and (Super)Men”.

Dwight: Stan, why doesn't Derrick like it when I pet him when he's in the paint?

Stan: No, Dwight. I ain't mad. I never been mad, an' I ain't now. That's a thing I want ya to know.

• Gar Forman will be the new GM of the Chicago Bulls.  He is being promoted to replace Johnny P.  Hard to compete with a guy named Gar I suppose.  [ESPN]
• The Zooker has a Twitter account and he is finding INTENSITY wherever he goes.  Woooooooooooooooo! [Deadspin]
• Sounds like Cutler was showing off the arm strength in the first Bears OTA.  I’m sure this is nothing new after years of Sex Cannon throwing deep in camp.  [Sun-Times]
• Another tough night for the Cubs hitters as they waste a good start from Dempster and lose to the Cards 2-1.  Lee was bad, Soriano was worse, and Milton Miltoned.  [Tribune]
• Holy crap, check out Mark Buehrle’s truck! It’s so irresponsible Al Gore and Michael Moore are making a movie about it.  [Deadspin]
• So Dwight Howard broke the shot clock on a dunk last night.  Don’t see that all the time. [FanHouse]
• The Free Darko guys have done it again.  Here is the Derrick Rose version of some commercials they helped put together.  [Docksquad]

• The Cubs season got off to a great start with a lead-off homer from Soriano.  The Cubs went on to beat the Astros 4-2.  [MLB.com]
• North Carolina pummeled Michigan State to win the NCAA Championship last night.  Sorry all you people without jobs in Michigan.  [ESPN]
• Michael Jordan and Jerry Sloan were inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.  I’m still trying to get in based on how sweet I was at Double Dribble. [Pippen Ain't Easy]
• In honor of yesterday’s Opening Day, here are the top five worst ceremonial first pitches.  [Watch This Now via Deadspin]
• LeBron and Dwight have both been featured lately for hitting ridiculous half court shots in warm-ups, so it seems natural that they would face off.  [FanHouse]
• A pretty funny website that is relevant this time of year.  [Just Click It]

Dwight Howard is one goofy guy.  He discusses his most important pre-game ritual in this interview at Mouthpiece Sports:

So Dwight Howard made a 75-foot shot in warm-ups. So what? Devin Harris can top that. He made one during a game. With the clock expiring. With a hand in his face. For the win. Filthiest play of the year? It’s definitely a nominee:

Dwight Howard made an unbelievable 75 foot shot during pre-game warm-ups.  Hubie later commented, “Maybe he should shoot his free throws like that.”  He might be onto something: