Lane Kiffin has taken the SEC by storm since taking over as head coach of Tennessee.  Not on the field exactly, losing to Florida and starting 1-2, but off the field Kiffin is firing shots at all takers.  He accused Urban Meyer of violating NCAA rules in front of a bunch of people, violating rules himself; he told a recruit to fax his papers on signing day from somewhere other than his high school, implying that the high school was so inept they would screw it up (he’s not allowed back); and he told a recruit considering South Carolina that he would end up pumping gas if he chose the Gamecocks. 

The hits keep coming nearly every time the guy gets in front of a microphone, he’s like an organized Kanye West, with a worse head coaching record.  Well, your worst fears have come true Chicago fans, Kiffin is coming for you and you don’t have a chance at bedding his hot wife. 

Kiffin on Bears quarterback Jay Cutler: “Cutler?  Yeah, I tried to get him to sign with the Vols when he left Denver, but apparently the SEC frowns upon that kind of thing. What a mistake that would have been, guy’s a real piece of work.  Did you know that prick got some kind of disease because he went to Vanderbilt?”  When asked about Cutler’s success so early in his career Kiffin responded “I had twice as good of an NFL career.”  Kiffin never played in the NFL.

On the Chicago White Sox: “Their manager–you know, that black guy–is awful.  Their GM sucks too.  I didn’t want to go public with this, but there were some major recruiting violations when they got that Peavy guy.” 

Blackhawks:  “Come on, hockey?  So gay.  I know I’ll have to apologize for that later, but seriously.”

Chicago Cubs: “Embarrassing team.  I thought Al Davis and the Raiders had it bad.  I’d love to bring my Vols to Wrigley and sing Rocky Top all night long after we beat them.  Yeah, in baseball.  Ryan Theriot told me once I looked a lot like Seth Rogen, but not so much after he lost weight, and I’m going to kick his ass for that.  Kiffin, out!”

In the spirit of Michael Scott and the Office, we roasted the Chicago Bulls a while back and got a pretty good response.  It’s probably because the Bulls are so hilariously awful, but here we go again with the basketball teams of the Big Ten.

Purdue, every time someone slips on the court, I still blame it on Gene Keady’s hair.  Boom, roasted.

Illinois, I don’t know where you got this idea, but your offense isn’t fun to watch just because you shoot buzzer beaters against the shot clock every possession.  Boom, roasted.

Indiana, how bad does it suck now that your basketball team is just as bad as your football….hold on, I’m getting a text from Coach Sampson.  Boom, roasted.

Michigan, you can take the coaches out of the mediocre West Virginia, but you can’t take the mediocre out of the coaches.  Boom, roasted.

Wisconsin, you’ve been winning games with the same seven guys for the past ten years because no one cares.  Boom, roasted.

Ohio State, the only things that stoop lower than your university’s integrity are your ridiculous shorts.  Boom, roasted.

Penn State, how long until all your students mindlessly singing and jumping to Zombie Nation becomes ironic? Boom, roasted.

Minnesota, the entire African American population of your state is on your basketball team, and those three guys suck.  Boom, roasted.

Iowa, the best athletes at your school wear unitards and roll around with dudes.  Boom, roasted.

Michigan State, your coach is an angry dwarf.  Boom, roasted.

Northwestern, your colors used to be red and yellow until everyone else in the conference beat the hell out of you for 50 years.  Boom, roasted.