h/t: TPS

I would have gone with something like “Pujols Gives Guys Hand Jobs” or “Hey Pujols, I Think The Steroids Are Working”, but how can you go wrong being racist AND stealing someone else’s bad idea? (Ok, the racist joke is a little funny, but can’t we come up with our own ideas at least?)

h/t: The Big Dead Sidebar

Greg Maddux- Maddux won about 3 million games in his career and for an extended period was the most dominant pitcher in the game, without an overpowering fastball.  Maddux was great because he was a genius when it came to mixing up the pitches and hitting his spots (even if they were six inches off the plate).  Even Steve Stone would be predicting a curve when Maddux would throw that 92 MPH fastball by a batter.  If it came out that he did PEDs, you have to ask yourself if there was room for anyone to succeed without them.

Derek Jeter- All of us Yankee haters might not identify with this right away, but this is an important one.  Here’s a guy we admire because of how well he plays the game.  While he hasn’t been amazing recently, he’s the guy that can be spectacular, while at the same time not making mistakes.  Much like Maddux, it was the mental aspect that seems to give Jeter the edge.  He’s cool under pressure and has the presence of mind to make plays like the amazing late cut-off against the A’s.  Derek Jeter doesn’t need steroids.  Right? I guess he could always blame a positive test on his herpes medicine. Boom, roasted.

Ken Griffey Jr.- Oh, please no.  Junior is a lock for this list.  He’s the highest home run hitter with no suspicion and a positive test would have the effect of invalidating the entire era of home runs in the record books.  Griffey exploded onto the scene with his athleticism and that sweet swing.  We need those things to be the reason for his numbers, not steroids.  Griffey is our proof that pure home run hitters still exist.  Plus, he’s too fun to take steroids with the jokes and backwards hat at the all-star games.  In my generation, this is the first home run type icon I watched throughout his career, so a positive test would be devastating.

Cal Ripken Jr.- So far I could see any of these guys doing the most damage to baseball, but Cal Ripken Jr. might take the cake.  Griffey and some of the others have implications on home runs, but Ripken leads the crew that would just be awful for baseball as a whole.  Ripken’s run to the most consecutive games played is one of my fondest baseball memories and he’s just such a great ambassador for the game that a positive test would cause me to question other things, like gravity and whether certain countries really exist.

Frank Thomas, Albert Pujols, and David Ortiz- I’m going to group these guys, despite the age gap with Thomas in relation to the other two.  I would throw Thome and Ryan Howard in this group as well.  We’re talking about guys that are just plain huge.  A positive test here makes you wonder whether anyone can just hit homers based on the fact that they’re as big as an aircraft carrier.  Pujols has been outstanding his entire career and has a serious shot at some records and David Ortiz has provided some of the greatest baseball moments in recent memory with his late game heroics in the playoffs.  Thomas fits into the Griffey category as well, as the Big Hurt was a fan favorite and one of the first iconic home run guys of our generation.

Pedro Martinez and Mariano Rivera- Martinez was absolutely dominant in the 90’s.  This is amazing when you think of how widespread steroids were among batters at the time.  The 1999 All-Star game was a good example mentioned in the FanHouse post, when Pedro struck out five of the six batters he faced in two innings.  Mo Rivera was just as dominant as Pedro.  Aside from a couple of post-season stumbles, when Rivera came in the game, you knew it was over.  His cutter is still one of the most dominant pitches in the game.  Here are a couple of pitchers that owned roided up batters throughout their careers and it would be a shame to realize that they needed some juice to accomplish that.

Tim Lincecum and Evan Longoria- I get what they’re doing here, putting these two on the list.  Tim and Evan are young prospects that have shown they have promise.  They can be the foundation of a clean game going forward.  Lincecum is simply too tiny to be roided up apparently, his laser fastball a result of a slingshotting delivery.  Longoria has shown he has power as well, and we can only hope that it isn’t a result of PEDs.  Obviously there are plenty of players you can add in this category, depending on who turns out to be the face of the game in the next ten years.

So that’s the entire list from FanHouse.  Overall, it’s hard to disagree.  One point that I take away from it is that I, along with many others, may have overlooked the impact that a positive test on Maddux or Ripken would have on the game.  To this point, the only guys we seem to care about are the home run hitters.  What would the impact be of the pure baseball players?  What about Ichiro?  The steroids debate and fallout will continue ad nauseum for the foreseeable future, but this is a good list of guys we hope stay out of the discussion.  What do you think and who did they miss?