Say what you will about the FIFA World Cup or the sport of soccer, but their fans truly know how to motivate their favorite players and energize a nation. Recently two sexpots have offered their services if their team wins the World Cup.

Paraguayan Lingerie model Larissa Riquelme vowed to run naked through the streets if her country won (they’ve already lost, but she said she would do it anyway) and, most recently, porn star Bobbi Eden tweeted she would provide oral pleasure to all her Twitter followers if her native country, the Netherlands, wins big on the international stage. Now, the pure logistics of giving a blowjob to, at last count, 23,000 followers dispersed throughout the world is pretty daunting, but I am sure the promise will be fulfilled, at the very least, for the entire roster of the Dutch national football team.

How is this Chicago news or related to Chicago sports in the least? Well, I am sure it would easy to convince a particularly devoted group of bleacher babes to make a similar promise. Really, with all the talent on this team, all they need is a little TLC to turn things around, right?

Now, the definition of prostitution is defined by Dictionary.com as “the act or practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money.” Since there would be no money exchanged or any exchange of real definable commodity, I think this would work.

Just to be sure, all that has to be done is the mayor and city council approve a law permitting prostitution in a highly regulated environment, say the Chicago Cubs locker room at Wrigley Field. Now, while NOW or some organization claiming to champion family morality is busy challenging the law in the appeals court (where they will win), a group of bleacher babes is chosen by the fans and this group offers various sexual acts in exchange for a NL Central title.

The downfall here is that these might be the same girls who would willingly give it up without any promise of fielding an actual winning baseball team. So, instead somebody “donates” season Cubs bleachers tickets to this group of girls as incentive for them to keep their True Blue Virginity until the season is over.

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