Sammy Sosa Becomes Vampire, Still Can’t Hit Outside Pitch [Theories on the "New" Sammy]
As many of you have seen and heard, Sammy Sosa showed up at the Latin Grammys Person of the Year event recently looking a little different. The Dominican Dracula, as I am now calling him, claims he has had some sort of treatment on his skin that makes it look lighter than before:
“He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin,” Polihronis said. “Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting.
“He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, ‘If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture.”
Okay, I buy it. There has also been some speculation that the steroids may have caused it. I could buy that too. No explanation has come out yet regarding the green contacts, though.
I would like to posit a few theories about the “new” Sammy.
Sosa Theory 1: When he was hit by a baseball in the head, he didn’t actually survive that. A bat bit him and he was reborn as a vampire. After realizing he couldn’t play during the day anymore, he was traded to a team that had significantly more night games and where he could play DH and not have to stand out in the sun. The zombie theory is similar to this as well.
Sosa Theory 2: He’s an alien. This theory was out there for Michael Jackson too, but is it so crazy? His eyes magically changed colors and his skin has mysteriously gone back to its original pale alien color and you’re telling me the guy is human? And even if he did take steroids, what he did with his bat in the 1990s was pretty out of this world (you see what I did there? I’m the king of the shitty double entendre).
Sosa Theory 3: Sammy Sosa is a robot. He never was a real living being. The Tribune company created him in 1996 and named him after some skinny light-hitting White Sox player who mysteriously disappeared after a brief stint in Texas.
Sosa Theory 4: Or the skin treatment thing I guess, but that theory is lame as hell.
Related Posts:
Comments
Pingback from Sports on the Web | Gunaxin
Time November 9, 2009 at 4:14 pm
[...] Sammy Sosa is a vampire [Not Qualified to Comment] [...]
Comment from Greg Delaney
Time November 9, 2009 at 5:41 pm
when I first saw his picture, i only vaguely recognized him… I had to read a caption to finally figure out that this is Sammy Sosa
Comment from LADYJ
Time November 9, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Skin rejuvenation? The new term for skin bleaching. I am less disturbed by this individual making an idiot of himself and more concerned with why his wife is always frowning in these darn pictures! What story does he have about those nasty green contacts?
Comment from Rob
Time November 10, 2009 at 2:56 am
This shit actually really bums me out. Not to be the downer of the blog, but that skin bleaching shit is spawned out of a fucked up remnant of colonized cultures where whiter skin is a sign of social progress. People in Africa die on the regular from trying to bleach their skin. If it is in fact skin bleaching that caused this shit to happen to Sammy, then he’s effectively sold out/shit upon every Islander of dark complexion…hell every black person period.
Comment from StevieY19
Time November 10, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Seriously, don’t ever get better at Photoshop. Things just wouldn’t be the same.
Comment from Kim
Time November 11, 2009 at 10:32 am
I believe he is getting Depigmentation treatments because I think he has Vitiligo.You can see lighter patches of skin under his bottom lip and other areas of his face.
read this:
http://www.rr.com/blogs/blogs?bbPostId=B2PwhtsxgQKHB3IcCb5CHJmCArxrQpb50McBBduK4ZLKLLr&bbParentWidgetId=B8aUISbX6h71ZPgnPGeuu9
Comment from Kim
Time November 11, 2009 at 10:34 am
Look at the middle photo of him
Pingback from Charles Barkley Wears “Whiteface” Sammy Sosa on TNT (Video) : Total Pro Sports
Time November 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm
[...] Sosa was back in the news recently after pictures of him surfaced on the internet featuring a significantly paler looking complexion. His official explanation for his paler face was that he is undergoing a skin rejuvenation [...]
Loading ...
Pingback from November 9, 2009: NFL Week 9; Sammy Sosa’s Skin; Taylor Swift on SNL | FanSided
Time November 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm
[...] Sammy of deliberately lightening his skin a la Michael Jackson (or maybe it was the steroids; or perhaps he is now a zombie). Sammy’s supporters went on the defensive, insisting Sammy’s apparently altered [...]