Taj Gibson Gets Bulls Crappy Bullprint
Since we are a little busy around here this summer, we will hopefully be having some guest writers. I received this submission from NQTC reader Gavin mocking the Bulls management strategy and Vinny Del Negro, so of course I loved it. Please treat guest writers as you always treat StevieY and myself: Courteously and Respectfully (sarcasm). Enjoy!
Yesterday, Gar Forman and the rest of the Chicago Bulls organization continued their exhaustive efforts to build our team according to The Blueprint. For those who are unaware, The Blueprint is the Bulls’ fool-proof “draft a blue chipper from a power conference” plan that has yielded moderate success every other year. It has become engrained in the organization that The Blueprint cannot be abandoned lest we repeat the horrors of our past. We all remember the tragedy of 2001, where Jerry Krause, hopped up on Jagermeister and Lipitor, ditched The Blueprint selecting Eddy Curry and trading for Tyson Chandler. One need only look to two years earlier in 1999, to see the potential success that The Blueprint can bring to the organization. In that year, Krause, in a much more lucid state and impressed by his draft picks’ mothers hand size, selected Elton Brand and the cerebral Ron Artest in the same year.
With Forman, the foreman of the Bulls Draft Crew and a PhD in History from The Universitat Socialist in Prague, at the helm, the Bulls have exhibited a vigorous allegiance to The Blueprint, scheduling workouts with ten players for Wednesday, June 10th, eight of whom played at programs that routinely find their way into the Sweet 16 in March.
Yet this is all unnecessary since the smartest basketball player ever to play the game worked out for the Bulls on Tuesday. That player is Taj Gibson. No he’s not the precocious younger brother of Tia and Tamera from “Sister/Sister” fame. He’s a 6’9″ beast of a power forward (funny that the USC site lists him as 6’9″ but the Bulls had him at 6’10″ in listing their scheduled workouts!) who played under the tutelage of former Bulls head coach, Tim Floyd at University of Southern California. While his physical attributes are impressive, he let on to his immense brain power during an interview with media shortly after his workouts.
During that interview, Gibson explained that he figured out the offensive system the Bulls were running simply from the drills the Bulls staff ran him through. Is Gibson the Batman to Vinny “the Riddler” Del Negro, who haunted the entire Chicago Bulls fan base and blogosphere this year with his cryptic timeouts where he would seemingly draw up 24 second violations? Maybe Gibson can clue us in to what “system” Vinny plans to unveil, since he couldn’t possibly have been insinuating that such a “system” was in place last year.
So here’s to Gar Foreman and hoping that on June 25th at Madison Square Garden, he picks the hometown kid from Brooklyn, NY, Taj Gibson, and Bulls fans everywhere can rejoice in finally getting a translator for Del Negro’s own version of The Blueprint.