LeBron James Puppet Commits Suicide
If you have been watching any television at all lately then you have seen those goofy LeBron-Kobe puppet commercials. For the most part they are funny and elicit a snicker out of me (the first 50 times at least). Obviously the NBA and Nike both had their hopes set on a LeBron-Kobe Finals and these commercials were just part of the hype machine building that up. As much as everyone talks about how Cleveland losing is bad for the NBA and LeBron James, did anyone bother to think how awkward it would be for LeBron James puppet after doing all those commercials? Well maybe no one did and that’s why The Onion is reporting this:
Upon returning to his apartment fresh off advancing to the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant Puppet discovered his roommate and rival, Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James Puppet, lying dead in their bathtub. Los Angeles police officials stated there was no evidence of foul play, as the deep lacerations on James’ felt wrists appeared to be self-inflicted. “I knew he was upset about losing to the [Orlando] Magic, but I never thought he would do something like this,” the shocked and fabric-based representation of Bryant told reporters, his facial expression stoic and his eyes unblinking. “Maybe I should have seen it coming. One minute LeBron was happy and covering the apartment with talcum powder, and the next he was playing video games and not wanting to be disturbed. Maybe it’s my fault for putting my championship rings on display in our apartment.” The puppet LeBron is the fifth roommate of either the puppet or real-life Bryant to commit suicide.
I would say the last line is the funniest, but the whole thing cracks me up. I have a feeling the NBA will try to build up this matchup for the next few years, so don’t be too worried about LeBron losing. (Yes, I know that last line was to comfort myself as much as all of you, I do love LeBron).
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