Jake Peavy’s Decision-Making Process
It was a tough day yesterday for the White Sox, losing 20-1 to those pesky Minnesota Twins and getting turned down by Jake Peavy. Here’s a journey into the mind of Jake as the day progressed.
Sometime Wednesday night, Jake hears about the deal from his agent and gets off the phone with Scott Linebrink.
Who the hell is Scott Linebrink? I know my agent said I played with that guy, but wow he must suck. He had good things to say about Chicago though. Great city, great people. But why the hell would I leave sunny San Diego? Right, my team is awful and this is my chance to get out! Besides, the South Side can’t be that bad as long as I get a ride to the park in a tank…or Buehrle’s truck. Better sleep on it.
Peavy falls asleep, dreams about life as a White Sox pitcher.
Not a bad game today, sure we lost 4-3, but Thornton gave up those runs after I was yanked in the seventh. Plus, you’d think we could muster more offense than three solo homers. Oh my God, is that Ozzie? He’s got blood all over his face and he’s swinging a chain over his head! Why is he yelling at me in Spanish?!! The only words I understand are pitch count, Freddy Garcia, Jon Garland and 2005. Oh shit he’s going to kill me.
Peavy wakes up.
Wow, that Ozzie Guillen is one scary sumbitch. Whatever, I’ll check out the game today and see if I can make a decision. I really want to get out of San Diego.
Alright, here we go let’s see what they’ve got. Oh, Bartolo Colon is starting. He’s not too bad but man, he hasn’t skipped a meal since, well ever. 1-0 after one isn’t too bad. These are usually low scoring affairs when the Twins and Sox play and I’m used to that.
Oh wow, seven runs in the second? All unearned? I guess I can add poor defense to the Cons side of the ledger, right under “that one time fans attacked a first base coach.”
I fell asleep there for a while, it’s kind of early out here. Hmm, 10-0. Was that another error by Betemit? Who’s that guy they used to have at third base? Oh yeah, there he is. Man this isn’t looking too good, come to think of it the weather out here is so nice, and I really like the golf courses.
Look at all those singles and walks! There’s Mauer with a grand slam. I’m going to need more paper for the Cons side of this thing, seems like a lot of home runs flying out of this park.
20 to nothing?!! Forget pitching for these guys, I can’t wait to hit against them. Too bad they got rid of Nick Swisher, he could have stopped the bleeding a few innings ago. Come to think of it, Nick left sunny California a couple years ago for Chicago. Wonder how that worked out for him.
Gets a call from his agent Thursday afternoon.
Well, better give it to him straight. “Tell them sorry, I’m scared of the AL.”