Dan Haren is the Player of the Week with 2 W, 19 K, and a .069 WHIP.

1) Rod Beck’s Mullet- A 5-5 tie this week curbed the Mullet’s strut a little bit, but not so much that he didn’t try and suck all of us poor bastards into $50 bets.  That’s like all the money I’ve won betting against Chicago teams with Stormin’ Norman the last few years!  Kerry Wood and Ryan Franklin led the way with three saves each.  The hitting left a bit to be desired.

2) Team Christianity- JC hasn’t slowed down much on the waiver wire, and it paid off this week with an 8-2 win.  Early in the season TC finds itself near the top of many statistical categories, plus God’s on his side.  Maybe.

3) Sharapova’s Thigh- A tie for the Thigh this week earns some major respect the way Rod Beck’s Mullet was going.  Nick Markakis has been unbelievable so far this year and Chad Billingsley already has four wins.  It’s also nice that Victor Martinez has three more homers this year than he did all of last year.  What a jerk he was last year.  Right?  BTW, the Thigh’s team batting average is 20 points higher than anyone else’s.

4) Tootblan Theriots- Holy crap, this is usually way too high for me to rank a Stormin’ Norman owned team this early in the season.  Usually I can find a reason to keep him in the bottom four.  I’m sure if I tried for five minutes I could again, but he beat a team I consider a contender by a 9-1 count this week and that’s good enough for fourth place.

5) Don’t F With DeJesus- DFWD took down the Bad Guy’s team 6-3 this week and therefore jumps ahead of him in the rankings.  I’d like to dedicate the win to Brandon Inge, who was kind enough to be eligible at the catcher position.

6) The Bad Guy- This tends to happen to relief pitchers from time to time, but I’d be shucking my responsibilities if I didn’t mention Matty Lindstrom’s 94.50 ERA from this week.  I’m sure he didn’t pitch a whole lot, but it was probably enough to make the difference in a match-up decided by .15.  Not a big deal for TBG though, who is still in fourth place.  He’ll probably just take out some frustration on Stormin’ Norman this week so I can move Tootban Theriots back to 8th where they belong.

7) Chi Blackouts- Nice jump in the rankings for the Blackouts this week after a 9-1 romp.  Pujols and Bruce combined for 7 homers and 19 RBIs to lead the way.  Not to mention that Joel Hanrahan was the TRUTH! 2 Saves.

8)  Mo Vaughn Mo Problems- Well all that praise last week and this team goes and gets blasted by Stormin’ Norman.  The closer-heavy strategy is failing right now though, with BJ Ryan on the DL and Brandon Lyon having me wishing he was on the DL.  The power hitting is doing okay though, as MVMP is top three in HR and RBI.

9) AFine Has No Friends- Well, a bottom four ranking assures my defeat this week at the hands of Ethan, but this is about integrity.  A 9-1 loss to the second lowest rated team from the last edition of Power Rankings is not going to help your cause.  Ethan could definitely use Webb back from the DL and AJ back from wherever he went.

10) Peavyitis- What an embarrassingly bad match-up this one was.  It’s a good thing we aren’t forced to watch fantasy baseball contests, because this would be like watching the Nationals play the Giants in a spring training game where neither team could use their three “best” players.  I don’t want to explain it, just go look at the numbers.

11) Bronx Obamers- Seriously, go look at them. Awful.

12) The Great Bambinos- A tough start got tougher for Bino’s squad.  He ran up against JC this week and got pounded 8-2.  It doesn’t help that the disabled list is starting to read like a novel.

Related Posts:

• NQTC Fantasy Baseball Power Rankings (2)
• Week 2 Power Rankings — NQTC Fantasy Baseball (0)
• NQTC Fantasy Baseball Draft Grades, Part II (2)
• NQTC Fantasy Draft Grades, Part I (7)
• NQTC Fantasy Baseball Draft in the Books (4)
• NQTC Fantasy Baseball (3)
• Fantasy Baseball: Pickups of the Week (1)

Tags: Dan Haren, Fantasy Baseball, NQTC, Power Rankings